♫I didn't bring her up so they could cut her down I didn't bring her here so they could shut her out I live my whole damn life to see that little girl smile so why are tears pouring down that sweet face? she wasn't brought up that way♫
I'm really sad cause I couldn't find a video of the song the lyrics are from. Its a really good song. It's a Taylor Swift song called "Brought up that way" and hasn't 'official' been released, but it got leaked somehow, ha. But it's amazing either way. I looked for it on youtube, but it was all bad. I want everyone to check it out because its amazing. Its a father daughter song, its simply brilliant. Its a wonderful thing, the relationship between a dad and a daughter, its something special. And I have been lucky enough to have the most stubborn pain in the butt father in the world, and no matter how many times he's screwed up he's always there for me, and i'm thankful for that.
Adore your Daddy's!
Onto another topic, yeah? I'm a Ke$ha addict. For real. Check out some of her other songs, that aren't on the radio, cause they are AMAZING. :]
I want an expensive camera that will take good shots, and last me a while. But the issue is what? Its expensive. Oh la. All of that aside, Nothing happened today. Boring, dull, and of coarse those are the days I think and daydream, ha.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I seem to keep doing this odd skip thing, yeah? Anyway. I haven't really been home, which is pretty nice! But when I get super bored, or really busy, I forget to post something... I've really started to love Kerti, has anyone else seen her work? She's got amazing hair, which I'm pretty sure is natural, and I love it. Its fabulously pretty. Speaking of pretty. GOT NEW CLOTHES. I am very excited, cause I haven't spent my paycheck on anything put gas in my car for weeks. But, at the same time now I feel guilty! Crazy stuff.I had another really good girls night last night... and it seems that this post is just simply scattered and all over the place. Cause, honestly thats how I feel right now, scattered! But I guess in a good way. Haha.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
♫What do you say in a moment like this When you can’t find the words oh to tell it like it is Just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way Let’s get out of here oh what do you say?♫
I might be posting twice today, but sometimes you can't choose when inspiration hits you. Lately anything that brings up my granny makes me think a lot. How short life it, how precious it is and why we should life it to the fullest. My mom gave me a bracelet today, above, and I will now wear one, She will wear one, My sister, and My sister in law will all wear one. Cancer is horrible. It effects to many families, and ruins a lot of good people that don't deserve it.
I personally have experienced someone with cancer with my grandma. She's a strong person, and hopefully, with this next appointment, we will have amazing news that says the cancer is gone. It will be the happiest news any of us has heard for a while, and I will be extremely happy when I hear it. So, keep it in your prayers.
I have a friend as well who's dad has cancer. She wishes for the boring nights at home where we all just sit around in the living room. Most people take these things for granted. Its hard to not, until they are gone. Don't let time pass you by. Make your life how you want it to be, spend it with people that will be gone some day. Spend it listening to stories your grandparents tell you, listen when they pass 'wisdom' down to you. It will mean the most to you when you get older.
Just remember, the only thing that is true is that everything changes.
Sometimes you got to listen to the silence And give yourself a little time to think
For-rizzle. I mean, I'm really starting to feel like myself. I'm loving what this change of not being in the hell hole that is high school has done for me. I'm really feeling like my own person, feeling like an adult(Sort of, Did you know you have to be 19 to work in a kitchen. LAME) like I have a saying. Screw who I was, This is who I am. All the stuff that made me upset is now a distant past. I've literally forgot most of the rubbish that was before, because the past is the past, and man; I let it burn. Literally. Pictures, notes, school work. Anything I could find that was jumbled up, that I didn't care about anymore, got toasted. It's the past for a reason! If it's there, It doesn't matter. Unless it's family, it doesn't count for anything. Deal with it.
It's planning time for me, time to focus on life, to speak what I want, to listen to the music I want, to be the person I wanted to be in high school, but was to Afraid. You only go around once, so I'm tired of caring what people say, do, think, whatever. You don't matter. Like I've said before, love me, or hate me, I'm on your mind either way. I'm here to say that my friends are everything, family most of them. Family is just as important. Everything else will work out one way or another, I'm just tired of planning it all out. Maybe it's that whole 'teenage' thing or whatever, but its true.
I plan on going to Alabama with my friend Emily, and It will be a sort of, celebration of what I'm going to be. To live, and have fun. So, haters; Screw off.
And something annoying? I added a follower; But they followed anon. DUMB. D<
Anyway, Let's see how this change goes, shall we? It's time to live, not to sit and ponder what's going to happen. There are only three people in this world; The kind who watch what happens, the kind that waits for what happens, and the kind that MAKE it happen.
Monday To Wednesday? It didn't happen! I just, holy geese. Lame excuse for not blogging? Harvest moon. Oh yes. Its the most addicting game. Its better than Animal Crossing, cause there is more of a purpose than just pay your debt by selling fruits, fish, etc. Haha. So, literally that's all I've been doing. OH! And I watched Volume one of the Original Uk Skins. Brilliant. Ohmygod, I love it. Its really raw, and Its good. I mean, the american version had me hooked but my stupid Dvr just isn't working, and i've missed two weeks of it. So I decided to check to original. They've made some changes so I feel like its a different show almost! I'm starting volume two tonight!
Exciting news! I'm going to Alabama, yes. It sounds sort of lame when you say it like that, but were going to a timeshare resort sort of thing. It's amazing and I'm super excited!
Anyway, back to my laziness, and lolly-gagging whatnot.
I want to be the difference, I want to be the change. I don't just want to be another name. I'm here for something great, something good but I haven't the slightest clue what. I feel like the world is out to get me, but I refuse to let it hit me. I want to live the life I want, not what others want for me. I want to free myself.
Be the girl with the glitter on her face that everyone sees, Live one day where I don't care about tomorrow, just about today.
I Want to have a life that means something when I'm old and grey. I want to do something because I love it. I want to be broke, and Not care!
Just to live! Who doesn't? But what makes me special, is I'm going to. I'm tired of caring what everyone things, I am myself so you can lvoe it or hate it. Either way, I'll be on your mind ;)
REALIZED: iTunes Terms and Conditions Section 13A: At any point in time we can come take a kidney.
Congrats for like the 99.99999999% of people who have itunes, your debt will be taken on a dark night. HA.
Anyway, Comment on the picture now? Yes please. I've had a pretty nice weekend for one. It made me think about how some people really just suck. They have a story to tell, but no one is gonna want to listen to it for one reason or another.
...Its just that no one gives a frick if your a jerk in the first place. I'm not talking about joking around and one of your friends steps on your toe, and you say something like 'omfg, you jerk.' I mean, YOUR A JERK. Like the song, jerk jerk jerk. Whats funny about jerks is they don't think they are! Anyway. Ha.
REALIZED: Most middle class people are more suited to run the country than the government.
I'm getting distracted. I'm loving Grouchy Rabbit. Check it out, fun stuff. For Real!
At an amazing friends house, and I've learned that I might be a total nerd but I'm so no the only one out there :) I have played the game katamari forever for the first time, and it's fabulously addicting and it's fun to just watch a person play it! It's five oh two in the morning and were still sitting up playing and our other friend is sleeping on the bed and her nose is whistling!! Hahahahaha. Anyway, love who you are even if that person is a Harry potter crazed fan, watches old fashioned movies an plays katamari forever: cause that's who you are, so werk it! :D
So I'm not a major Beibs fan or whatever, but Glee did it awesome. It made me want to listen to his music, and I think that's funny. haha. It was funny how they did do the Somebody to love song, cause the girls were just hilarious. For real. ha.
anyway. I love thursdays a lot more than I used to. I get out of the house, go to a class, which isn't to bad. But I am like SO close to telling this dude to just SHUT UP, cause half the class wants to, and tonight the teacher was like, uh, yeah that's nice...and tried to slide to the next person, but he just KEPT talking. Geeze! Anyway, Then I get to see my buddies, and I love them.
I've learned that one way or another, people aren't going to like what you do, and you know what? Screw them, cause If it makes you happy. Do it! and have fun while doing it, because they don't matter. Don't let people who suck spoil your life. Because it sucks, and don't make the mistake I have of letting those people screw you over. Life it up, Live it loud and remember that no matter what you do.
So, Minding my own business working on my homework I decided to check my usual sites, blah blah blah. I saw something that was funny to me. An old friend, who started dating another, but her best friend totally has a crush on him. She knows this. The same thing happened to me with this very same girl. Bro code much? For shame! Another girl I know is totally never happy. She's always got something negative to say about the world, and despite that all she's a very funny person. Odd, right? Third person we have that I've been thinking about today is a friend who get a bad rep. She's not bad or anything, but people terribly mis-understand her, and it's sort of sad for her because I can see how awesome she is. Just a few thoughts that passed through my head today! haha. I've got a lot to say about people. Like Darcy "Once my good opinion is lost it is lost forever" Such a thing, you get it! Don't make me start pride and prejudice roll outs here! Anyway! The first girl, I don't really give a crap what she does anymore; Don't flatter yourself dear, it just struck me as funny. The second; I love her dearly, and despite the negative, she's amazing and brilliant. The third; I wish I could open the world to see her as she is. But the world is full of people and people they are...
People are fickle
People are blind,
there crazy, bitchy, mean, and heartless.
That's just the way it goes. Believing in much more than that, is kinda hard. But,Its your job in the world to not focus on them, but focus on you, focus on your life, your triumphs and not to let others bring you down. To make your life better by making others wonderful! Onward to a new subject, shall we!? My English class is interesting, because were talking about generation X versus Y, and I've realized that my parents did a pretty bang up job raising me. We discussed how spoiled some people are of my generation, and its a lot more in the past. I personally have parents who make me do my laundry, make me pay for things like gas in my car, and clothes, and things that are not food, or shelter. Its pretty good, I mean I don't go without. Our Professor (By the way, am I the ONLY one who thinks harry potter when I address a teacher as professor? ha.) went around to a few kids in our generation, and asked "Are you spoiled?" One girl replied:
"No, I have a Pony."
He progressed to ask a few other people after that. And I sat there, and was like...wait, what? EXCUSE ME? You have a what? I'd been asking for a Pony since I was like five, and guess what? My parents told me no because they were EXPENSIVE. But this girl was like "La Dee Dah, I have a pony". And she thinks she's not spoiled? It just baffled me. Really. It just struck me as funny, and I'm surprised I hadn't blogged about it earlier in this week. But I guess it slipped my mind? Oh well. I've got to commend myself I guess, at the fact that I went through a phase where my posts were just dull and uneventful, but now, they've got some meaning to them, yeah? ;)
Anyway, stay strong, and even though Believing is kind of a Bitch. Try it out on the small stuff, and see where it takes you. Cause you gotta' believe in a dream for it to take wing! You'll never change anything with just sitting on your bum!
We'll be washed and buried one day my girl And the time we were given will be left for the world The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague So let the memories be good for those who stay
So what should we make last? The world is a hard and dark place, but to make it a happy one, should be a life long reason for living a good life. I hate to think that life is going to suck. Things come not one problem at a time, but usually a large mass of suck drops down from above, and then you somehow manage to live through that, and luckily you get a break, generally short mind you, until you get a another load of stuff dropped on you.
Anyway, Just a bit of thought, and to make life fun, to keep it positive even if it totally sucks. Remember that you only get to go around once. Make it worth it!
Guess who felt cute today? Oh yeah. Anyway, despite the fact of it being Valintines day and me not having a beau, I didn't have a bad day. I also made an edible arrangement! No wonder they charge so much for them! Geeze, they are a pain, but SO pretty! Check my food blog for that! It was pretty nice actually. Made a nice dinner and had so much fun making it. One thing I do want to say that I kinda like about this years valentines day is how they are doing the commercials and it's like "Not about the me or you, but the US" it's kinda nice to hear, even to a single person. Ya know? I think it's that whole not just about the girl. Cause that's selfish.
So! I adore the outfit I'm wearing, and I'm sad that the earrings couldn't be seen, they are adorable. They are circles, which look like there coated in a pearl type material with red roses on them. They are so vintage, I adore them! I have a goal of feeling better about myself. I've been trying to lose weight and all that, just for the fact of losing it. Not for the reason I should be. I want to see myself better, and the only person who is going to be able to change that is me!
I'm going to be positive! Which is hard for someone who isn't very skinny. But I look good even though I'm bigger. My hope is that when it starts getting warmer I can go buy a new bike, and start biking to places like the bank to cash my paycheck, and to the store, even though I live out in the country. I'll let you know how that goes!
Its important to see yourself in good light, to see yourself as you can do things. Its just a must to succeed, and I'll get past it!
Speaking of bigger, ha. I gained a few pounds, then lost it back, so I'm at a slump of like twenty one pounds. BOO! But keeping hope! :]
Ha. No, really I don't speak a lick of French worth of anything. I think its a very beautiful language though, very pretty. I love it a lot to listen to, and I guess if I was thrown into a French speaking location i'd obviously learn it right quick. But until that situation, I'll just stand to listen to it in old movies and such. I love periodic movies, like Little Dorrit, I'm currently watching it. I watched North and South yesterday, I love them both.
Aside from doing not much of anything today, Yesterday I went into town with mom. We were going to go and see a movie at four, but never got the chance. We spent almost a whole work day in town, granted I don't know how, but we got around I guess. It was a nice day.
The necklace in the picture above, is my favorite necklace I have. I was able to not only get one months ago, but as well yesterday, I got another one yesterday! I was excited because I love my necklace.
Anyway, Its sort of an interesting post, but not nearly as my last two, ha.
Teenager;; I'm not a normal one. Really, I don't party I don't drink, blah blah blah. Sure, the adults all say "WAYTOGOYOUDIDNTSCREWUP!" but really, what the heck? I feel like I haven't done anything worth anything, ya know? I mean, not like Skins where its like an every day thing drinking and smoking and all that jazz, but you get it. Something, i guess.
Currently, I'm saving some money up, and my stash dwindled just a bit, BOO! But Never the less I'm still Saving. I want to get a Canon 60D camera, oh mama, they are pretty and I want one. I was going to try for a Canon 40D, but it's the older version, so why not do the most recent? Anyway. Saving money is a lot harder than it seems. FOR REAL. I can't wait for it to get warm out again, so instead of being inside I can go out and walk when I'm bored instead of wanting to go some place and shop. Really It'll help a bunch! SO GET WARM ALREADY.
Besides that. I'm having a hard time really wanting to be my 'typical' self. My goody-goody self. I want to get my nose pierced, and to my parents that TOTAL Taboo, but hey. Its something I want to do, and If I'm the one paying for it, why should it be a problem, ya know? But there making a big deal about it still. I want to do something that's teenage like I guess. It's odd, but at the same time it's not. At this age were suppose to want to just say screw it and do what were not suppose to. All my siblings before me did it, but again; I'm different!
Anyway, Wish me Luck on the saving Money thing, cause I want to get a Laptop as well;for college and what not <3 Send my some good luck at not spending it all!
OH! And want to know what I realized the other night? I've actually lost 21 Pounds, can you say HELL YEAH!?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
♫ Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up Just stay this little Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you Won't let no one break your heart No, no one will desert you Just try to never grow up, never grow up ♫
When your little, Everything is possible. The world is a kind and bright place that wont ever do anything to cause you harm. As you grow up, your views start to change, you start to feel different about things, about friends who might be causing you problems, to classes that cause you stress. The world starts to change underneath you and you don't realize it until you sit down and look back and say 'when did I grow up? When did I stop being that blonde haired blue eyed kid that sent herself to her room?' Things change, and change quickly and things start to get scary.
Its odd to look at it, and see what friends have came and gone, how your family has changed, what traditions have been made, what has been lost. Its a striking feeling when you get done with high shcool, it's scary and exciting and a whole new world. Its terrifying to think that its all going to be different, its all going to be on me, just because I grew up. I figure everyone goes through this, but it's terrifying. Being in a close family, and wanting to leave, but just not quite ready to go makes things hard. Its a new experience that is one of the hardest you have to face. You leave your friends, family and the life you've known.
♫ I just realized everything I have Is someday gonna be gone ♫
To college, which is a world of it's own.
To no more mornings with your mom waking you up
No more smiling faces of your younger family members
No more seeing them every day
Time to be on your own. Your...Own.
Its hard to grab at, to think that in a few months it will be this. It will be a time in my life where I have grown up, that it's it. You can't go back, you can't take back those days where you sat with your dad and watched the sky change. Those times in the kitchen when you made a mess on your face with mom helping her make a cake. Things have changed, and a lot. I am more than excited to go to school, believe me. But its hard, its hard to just go. But what would life be if you didn't take these risks? Take the time to live Your dream. To be the person you want to be.
Its so EXCITING. The world is at your fingertips, its a blank slate. You are making your way in the world. It is time for you to start living for you, your life, and be who you want to be. Even if it's scary leaving behind your Friends and Family, you know secretly that it's best for you, the best option you could have in your life. And despite being scared, it's time. As your ready to leave, for a split second, the thought passed through your mind; I wish I'd never grown up.
But this lasts for only a second. Because you know this is the right path for you.
Even though personally I could not believe what i'm doing is going to happen, I still want to go. I am going to be leaving home in a few months and pursue my dream. The dream that I felt had left me. The one that I was the only one who believed in.
I just know that I wont forget where I came from, not forget who I am. I said I was going to start posting some posts that were actually worth something, an this is. It's a feeling that a lot of people go through. I am scared out of my wits, but want to do it still. Its funny, and a mix of a lot of emotions. It's just time.
I feel like I've been lacking in my heart of my posts. However lame that sounds but hey. So update;; I've been sick, so I haven't done jack when it comes to workouts hopefully I'll feel one hundred percent and get back into it, as well as start my English paper. Yuck. && I want a camera. Like a legit nice one. and a laptop;; So I've been saving money. You know how hard it is to save money that i want to spend on clothing? Really? Its SO hard. I make just over 100 a week, and 25 goes into my gas tank, then the rest; I save. Its Torture. But Hopefully I'll thank myself one day D:
Quick comments on the picture above. I really like this quote and one day;; I want to lose myself. I want to lose all of my mind and just go with it. I'm so paranoid and careful that it totally sucks. Like saving ALL my money. Yuck. Its bad, and boring and I feel old before my time. So I do hope that Ill lose myself sometime in my life and get a real experience. Like my cousin Krista. She's amazing. She lives in Kauai Hawaii and lives a full exciting life, and I wish that I could live one day the way she spends her whole life. FOR REAL.
Anyway, I hope to get some creative juices flowing again, and start pumping out something worth jack soon. Wish me luck!
I'm double posting here today. Mumford and sons, they are my Jams. Go check them out. I've got a buddy who we've listen to them for quite a while now, and both are exited/and bummed that people are realizing they kick butt.
Until you turn into someone like me and make yourself sick worrying about it. hahaa. For one, I haven't been able to sleep like AT ALL. Last night I laid down at nine thirty thinking I'd get a good long night of sleep and actually wake up early. WRONG. Laid in bed for two hours, Nothing but the dark, and I could not fall asleep. So, me being me I got up! I stayed up till like two/three-ish, and decided to try and go to bed. Laid in bed for nearly an hour until I stood up, pulled all my blankets, pillows and what not off my bed, and made a nice little palate on my floor. I sat down, and proceeded to start ffxii from the very beginning. For one; I forgot how much I seriously LOVE final fantasy games. Really? I sat from about three in the morning until just before ten, and only got like 1/3 through the game, ha. I finally got stuck and didn't wanna go back and forth like fifty times to level up like I need to. I'll try that tomorrow ;) Uh,Palate. It was pretty comfy actually. I am surprised how I stayed there for so long.
But yeah, Its annoying when you get stressed, and make yourself sick. It's only happened a few times to me in the past, but it's pretty just, yuck. I hope to feel better tomorrow, because today was pretty much an out of body experience. I played my game, stopped, played it for a while, Caught up on skins, and watched a pixtar short thing with a bunch of them, which was adorable, then totally fell asleep on the floor on the palate for like forty minutes until I got woke up for dinner, which I didn't want to eat anyway. Silly tummy. Anyway, Wish me luck on my endeavor, I'm drinking a bunch of h2o and hoping for the best!
&& work on that whole self wellness, do some yoga and deep breathing to keep yourself calm, and don't let things feel like there to much, because that sucks. haha, Hope you have a good rest of the weekend! OH! and GLEE! It comes on tomorrow after the superbowl, and guess what? AGAIN on tuesday,can you say week well spent?!OH YES. Bedtime for me!
To see that they are good enough, even the jerkiest person in the world is good enough. For someone, they are.
People have a hard time seeing themselves in a good light,I know I do.
I wonder why that is?
Anyway. I'm excited. I've lost twenty pounds. Really; and It's kinda a lovely feeling. But, I still feel the same, I feel like it's not enough, not good enough, whatever.
I want to work on that, just like everyone else, I need to see myself better. I can do it, I can achieve, and I can make my life full of happiness. It just takes a while. But don't let people tell you other wise, your amazing, even if you are a pain in the ass, at least you stand up if your emo, you feel If you fat, your still beautiful Whoever you are;
I've had a lot on my mind lately, but the sucky part is I can't put it down. That's the worst feeling ever. I hate it. SO MUCH stuff I could say, or write or whatever and all I do is nothing in the last few days. Nothing had had much importance on the last few posts. I mean I'm super excited for Glee still, but that really has nothing to do with deep thought. Its just, uggggh. I feel like there are so many things I could write about....Like class.
For one; Started classes at P-land about two weeks ago. I'm only taking one class(LAME.But they were filled.) So I do like NOTHING. And with the snow my parents are like "DONT GO ANYWHERE, you'll die!" But I did go to class last night, and there are some crazy annoying people in this world. We have this lady who is like sixty plus in our class (She's older than the dang teacher) and of coarse we are discussing the generation gap between our generation and our parents and she's all old school and like "We all had to share one bed, and pick our food to make food, and if we didn't have a garden we wouldn't have food, some nights, blah blah blah" For real. I LOVE to listen to my granny talk about things, but this old lady, she was just like UGH, so freaking annoying. I usually love to hear the old stories and what not, but she was just ragging on my generation. There are only like four of us at the younger age of it all, then like six people in their twenties, and some older, and a few REALLY old people. Its one big debate fest.
There is a dude who is like twenty something, and is ANNOYING. The other night he was talking and he just went on and on and on about his life story, like we really wanted to hear about it or some stupid stuff, and the black lady in front of me (God bless her, I adore her. ) was like NEXT really loud, and blunt. It was fabulous. Thank goodness I have a friend in that class, cause we both laughed about it like all the time. And the dude just talked up a storm again tonight, and the guy next to us was like "Is he ever gonna shut up?" and even better, there was a dude in a grey shirt across the room, made a finger gun; and shot himself in the head. As he did, his other hand burst out the other side of his head. BEST. It was so funny. The teacher eventually cut the same annoying guy off! He just wont shut up!!!
Over all the class isn't to bad. But hey, Its a little annoying. I don't mind classes that are long, but I know I don't care for night classes. I hate driving at night. Once time changes I think I'll enjoy going to class more since it'll still be daytime! That'll be a blessing for me. Ugh. I think I need glasses, and that's why I don't like driving at night, or driving at a place I don't know where is. I should get that checked. I'd need far away glasses. Haha. I've always been sure I'd need glasses, my sister has them, my mom and dad both have them for reading I just didn't think it'd be this soon! But oh well, I need to see!
I want to go on an adventure. but that takes money. Boo.
&& My adventure fund is like $0.00 BUT ;; My laptop fund is $40.00 ;; and my general purpose saving? That's like $240.00 :) Boo for not having any monnnnneeey. hahaa.
Glee, Glee Glee! Oh my gosh, I LOVE Glee, haha. (Looking at that Gif, I miss jonathan groff, For realz. )
Its already February! Want to know the only things I'm thinking about? one)Um, I totally didn't save my Eng 101 paper D: (But at least I turned it in before I left! ) Two)Glee. Oh, and Did I mention Glee? Nothing to epic going on with me. Really, I'm quite boring when snow is on the ground, cause I don't leave the house!
