Jump

This is totally true. But in the same way, should you regret something that might have made you smile, but wasn't good for other people? I know that blurry line thing, it's a mess. I dunno, but that's not my focus right now. Could you think about things in the future with things in the past your regret? Sure, that's why it's called the past. That's something i'm trying not to dwell on, is the past. It's hard to look at the future, especially when it's scary. But who can say it's not scary? People as beings that we are, fear the future.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fulton Oursler

Its hard not to not let the two go hand in hand. Really, between Work, family, hell those are big enough groups to just take up all your time in themselves. But that's not to mention things like saving your money, schooling, what you want to do with the rest of your life, a career, not just a job. I feel that I'm in the place that many before me stand, the crossroads. The roads that are either make it or break it for me. I have dreams, and my dreams are so MUCH bigger than this small town. I can't believe how much I want the change, it almost hurts how bad I want it. But at the same time, it huts to bad to get it. The change, the unknown, I don't know anyone in this life who doesn't think about them. But some people are lucky enough for it not to bother them. I wish I was that way.

I have many things I want to do in my life. Like travel. OH MY GEEZE. I want to travel. I am fascinated by culture, by other cultures. Sure, America has some, but were still little, ity bitty kids compared to places like china, who have had sooooo much more culture than we have. I want to make things, pretty things, beautiful things. Not logical. Not anything like that, I want to make poems, books, food, music, Anything. SOMETHING. I feel like I'm screaming, and people don't hear it. Maybe if I make something pretty, it will be seen? Smelt, felt? Something that's not heard?

But you have to take the step. The first step. The hardest one. There is no way that you can't fear it. It's the step into a door that the people in the past will be no longer be in, the tears, the cries, the laughs. They are no more there any more. The new door, it's promising, it's like a new light. That light that almost doesn't make it so fearful. It makes it exciting! it makes it new, and something that could change EVERYTHING! But then you have...A bump. A bump in a road that keeps you stuck in that old door. The one full of dark. And holy hell. Who wants that?

Then you start thinking on the regrets? What did you regret in this dark door? The hopes of the door that don't really seem that scary any more. And now you want that light door. That one or two thoughts that were regrets, they hold on to you like rope around your wrist, they wont let you go. And then theres people...