Brief Update

How interesting.

You know when you just start doing things and all of a sudden things fall out of your range of view? They seem to disappear even though they are a constant thing. They are always there, just right out of sight. This is what happened here. I completely forgot about this blog. I managed to click onto a blog here from a website I was on and I was still signed on. I can't even think of the last time I was on here. My last post was well over a year ago, and these blog posts date all the way to pre-college for me. Its interesting to look back, its like looking into the looking glass, a whole different world.

I would have never imagined myself where I am now two years ago, yet alone a year ago.

Texas has been good to me. It has allowed me to reinvent myself. To become something I might not have been in the town I grew up in. But unfortunately, that hasn't worked out exactly as I had hoped. I mean I always have these big amazing expectations that always seem to fall flat of my over the top expectations. I've come to terms with a lot of things in the last year. I've come to accept a lot of things, but I have also learned that I don't have to accept things. That is what it is to be an adult. This is a relatively new lesson for me. Its been a journey, that is for sure. I embarked on this journey a year ago. This was the time I got hired on at The Disney Store.

So much has happened since then.

For one, I got promoted. I'm not just a Cast member, I am a lead! Since the end of the spring semester I've been helping run the show. It's been a very good learning experience for me and I'm struggling through this thing called adulthood. I'm coming to the very real conclusion that no one is really an "Adult", there isn't one defining thing that brings you to adulthood over another thing. It just gradually sneaks up on you and sometimes it wonderful and other times its not.

I've actually really come full circle in a lot of things. I'm starting to gain confidence that I never had. Partly because of having lost some of my weight, but also because of the things I'm doing. I've met so many people, I've seen a ton of things and I'm just always learning.

I've been amazed with some of the things I've done. Its really insane to think of what state of mind I was in only a few years ago. I can remember being told ages ago by someone that  they thought I was clinically depressed. That somehow for years that stuck to me. That I had to prove that I wasn't, that everything was okay and that nothing was wrong and I was stronger than that. Well I've learned that being strong doesn't mean not having issues. Being strong is learning to deal with those issues. I wake up in the morning not feeling as miserable as I once did. I don't wake up, and for lack of a softer way to put this, want to off myself. I once lived in a really dark place. I lived in a place that no one could pull me out of besides myself. I still fall into this place from time to time, but I see a light that I didn't used to see. I struggle from time to time and the difference between now and when I was a child is I know that this is perfectly fine. That there is no harm in needing a bit of extra help.

 The more confidence I gather, the more I realize that I can do things that I was once afraid to do. I am trying, and I mean that earnestly. I've slipped in these last couple months as far as my fitness, but my goals are still the same. They are actually a bit stronger. I haven't gained any weight back- but I feel myself not being as strong as I once was. I want to continue on my journey and I want to help others on theirs. Which is why I decided that I am going to double major. My Major is Nutrition which will allow me to do so many things. It'll mainly allow me to help those who think of food as the enemy rather it be through bulimia or anorexia, because nothing feels worse than thinking you don't deserve to eat because you look a certain way. Not only that but there is a lot of psychological things that go with food and working out and how things turn into a battle of will. How most of the things we do in life are mind over matter.

I want to help people not only love themselves but also love the world they live in despite what others say. It is hard to move past things that go on, and as a society we aren't always so accepting to people in serious need and I want to change that. Not only in a mental focus but a food focus.

Just an update. Perhaps I'll find my way back again in a few days and think of some other curious things to write.

Amazing things happen when you start to love yourself. I recommend it to everyone.

HOLY BANANAS.

Do you know what I haven't done in a really long time? No, It's not Blog. 'Cause my Tumblr is very active every day haha. I haven't posted a blog post here in forever! I feel like my life is not even what it used to be. Its so different that I feel like a different person. The move has been a huge sucess! There have been very few things that I've missed from Illinois. Mostly are people, I really miss my Granny, and I really miss being RIGHT next to my sister. I mean she's like my best friend and I hate that were so far away. And her little ones too, I miss them to pieces. I want to see them all the time, but thank god there is Skype. How grateful am I for technology?!

 I've been staying with my Aunt and Uncle until my Mom finally gets down here, which has been quite a change too. Its been interesting to get to know them a bit more since they were never around growing up. We'd only came to Texas a few times while I was a kid so they are practically strangers, so is my Grandma. Though I did help her clean her house yesterday (SEVEN HOURS, OHLANTA.) I feel like I could learn a lot from her, she's a very strong independent woman and is well kicking into her 80's. We got to see the tail end of the Mens Beach Volleyball game and she mentioned she played in her 60's! I was like...WOW. Thats so fantastic! Not to mention Its a super inspiration. I mean, wow, Crazy.

 Not to mention I got a Job finally! It took almost two months but one of the first places I applied for Hired me! dELiAs! How awesome is that? I know I did a lot of my outfit posts here with a lot of clothes from there so its pretty awesome to get that opportunity to work for them! Not to mention I was talked to about being hired onto as a guaranteed position on my second shift! How great is that? I'm really in love with the job and it's pretty fun! I hope it'll stay that fun for me!

 Speaking of Fun? I'm obsessed with Zumba. I've found a Class at the rec center near my brothers who has the most phenomenal teacher! She's so energetic and just keeps you going and oh wow! I just love it! Thanks to her I've actually added "Teach a Zumba Class" to my bucket list! Its great exercise! Not to mention I've been going to Golds too, I've turned into quite the fitness Junky, which is great! I did get to do something called "Moonlight Yoga" last night too, and it was really cool because it was focused on the breathing of everything and when we wen to meditate for the last part of the class we closed our eyes when the sun was up, and when we opened them the moon was out. It was fantastic! Just what I needed after a super long day of scrubbing floors!

 I've been following more on my tumblr than anything but Maybe I'll turn this one into a Fitness thing too? Huh. Those of you who are interested my Tumblr is Petite-Fitness.tumblr.com! Fitblrs are seriously the most inspiration things in the world, if your wanting to be involved with fitness anything, i'd so make one! They are magical!

Something Else I've really been fascinated with lately is personalities. If you don't know about it already, you should take a look at the Meyers-Briggs personality test, its very crazy accurate! I ended up with the INFJ, The Protector/Giver. Its crazy how in depth it is and how much it really sounds like you! Not to mention the book "Strength Finders" Its pretty cool too. Its a personality test you do (You have to buy the book to get the code) and it gives you five characteristics from greatest to least that define you the most. Most people don't have the same mix, ever. It just develops your understanding of yourself and what your strengths are. It tells you to focus on those and not what your bad at. In our society thats what we always do "Your bad at this, so make it to where you aren't!" Where as this book tells you to focus on what you ARE good at and be the best at that! Its pretty cool!

Um. I feel like there is so much more I could ramble on about but I'm just drawing a blank right now, so I guess momentarily, thats it!