Hold On Hope

I feel like I'm not the only one who is stuck sort of in a spot lately. I think its because most the people I know are going into college and are really nervous. I mean its natural, right? But everyone seems to be either waiting on something, or stuck between something, so I'm going to start trying something! I actually got this inspiration from a friend's facebook status, how poetic right? It said

"Let go and Let God...Day 1"

I'm not the most religious person in the world, no. But I'm also sort of willing to give just about anything to try and let myself relax. I used to be a kid who went to awanas and my dad used to read the bible to me as a child, apparently I seriously loved it. He'd come in and read to me and we'd say prayers every night, but when I started getting older I started seeing people, and really seeing how mean they were. What baffled me was a friend I used to be really close with would do all these thing that were seriously against every principal of Christianity, and then she'd go to church every sunday and act like she was perfect. It really shook me. It was like how can she do that, and things seem to work out for her no matter what, even though she's kind of a whore, and really bitchy? It made me lose my faith in god, a lot.

Not to mention my family, how crazy they are, it just never made since. If god was suppose to be there for us, then why did all this stuff happen to me? Why could I never feel comfortable or welcomed in any church in this small stuck up town? Its pathetic and a lot of people use religion as an excuse, not me. I use it as something hopefully better, because if you don't believe in something, anything, rather that be a giant rabbit who vomits trees, it doesn't matter, if you can't believe in something it makes the world look pretty bleak, and in this day and age, we need something to look forward to.

So here is my new mission.

Lets start praying, lets bet he role model of a real christian to people who really aren't. To those who bad mouth someone one day, and turn around and praise god, lets be the one who sympathizes with those people, the ones who struggle. Lets not answer to anyone but ourselves and our own path, well, and his path that is. I don't care what you believe but I'm not here to say there isn't something, there is, there has to be and if you can't see that, the I pity you, no matter who you are.


I need to start feeling safe, and feeling like what I'm doing is actually going to be worth it one day, and that I can do things. This even if it doesn't work, will at least let me know I tried.