Um, Yeah.

Good Intentions

For Real;; I feel like I'm running in circles and I can't figure out why. I am waiting and waiting, looking back ; which you should NEVER do, but I am. It's depressing, and I want out.

I want out of all this crap, because it worries me. A lot has happened in the last month, and its catching up :(

To Do List

Learn This.

Work Work Work.

Its true.
But yet I yearn for a job. ugh. Its dumb, and I'm feeling totally discouraged even though they haven't even called any of my people. Which, they should be doing. ha. Just wish me some luck, cause Im feeling sucky!

Short post today, but it holds all the meaning in the world right now. I'm having one of those Grain of sand moments in life. Cause it's really not that big, but it feels HUGE and super MAJOR. Even though its not, and I'm just spazing out. Anyway, I'm off to bed! Its been a long day. Tomorrow were going to Strawberry Fields though! YUM! :)

Lets do this

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine It when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone


I don't usually wear Much Makeup, ever. But Have you ever Noticed how it makes you feel almost like a different person? Rather that's good or not, you gotta ride with it I guess. I've Put Makeup on SO many times, to just take it off, cause I liked the original feel better. I don't know how people can wear Eye liner, shadow, base, powder, mascara, and still feel like they don't have anything on. I can barely wear mascara and eye shadow with out feeling like a total whore. Odd. But I like it, because It keeps me natural. && I eat so much garlic in my foods, that my skin doesn't really need the base and what not. I usually wear some Consealer under my eyes when I'm tired cause I've got deep set eyes, with Racoon bottoms, ha. But other than that, its not much.

I think people should work on their feeling with no make up. Get to the point where when you actually wear makeup you feel terrible cause in thirty years from now when your face is all try and what not from all the makeup, what'll you do then? Ya know?
Anyway, Wish me Luck today, cause I'm taking a step in my life that I'm SUPER excited for! =D

For Real.

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're fucking perfect to me

Confidence is a funny thing. you can have confidence, sure but with one negative comment. It can be shattered into a million pieces that can't be picked back up. Its hard to think about, but sometimes you have to just get through the yuck, through the never wanting to get out of bed stages of the day. Confidence gives us the means to survive, yeah? Seeing someone with confidence is an amazing thing, they are content with their place, where on lookers can see them, and almost feel inspired.

Its hard to be confident, trust me. Its difficult to see the good in yourself when all you can focus on is the bad, but thing is, everyone has at least one amazing thing about them that they should like. Despite looks or jeers of others, you do what you want to, do what would make you grow as a person. Confidence is scary. One of the most scary things ever. It can keep an amazing singer from standing up in front of a giant crowd and sing, just because someone said she had funny teeth. What kind of life does that lead to?

Some people say confidence can be found in things. Things like alcohol; that just makes you feel terrible the next day. Makeup; that gives you acne, and makes you love a fake face, not your real face. Bullying; when can making someone feel bad, make you feel better? How can their misery be worth that. Confidence can't be drawn from something, well unless its positive. Negative confidence it bad. It make for a fake feeling, and hard to keep. But when it's real conficence, like scoring well in a class, or feeling pretty cause you lost that four pounds. Whatever that is, learn from that.

You want to keep your confidence for a rainy day, when soemthing might bring you down. Everyone struggles with that. Feeling like your worth it, like you can do it, that your pretty. All hard things to deal with, even myself I am having problems with. But sometimes, it just takes a bit of traveling in the dark to see the light ahead. You can make it out of the darkness, really. I've realized lately that things happen for a reason, and trust me i'm not one of those people who have a lot of faith in things, but its true. I've been in a dark place, and the light does appear, you just have to focus on that light when the dark appears again.

Con·fi·dence;;"Full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed."